Battling Hyperdrive Ne Insomnia

Okay guys, sorry, sorry, sorry. In true ENTP-fashion I got completely distracted by other projects and life in general and so this blog has been quite empty for a while. But there is this one topic sitting in my mind that’s been on my mind for quite a while. That’s Ne running wild, which is especially annoying if for instance you want to go to sleep. And your mind just spirals out of control. And you end up with Insomnia. Again.

Trying to sleep like: one sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Old McDonald had a farm, HEEEEEE Macarena!!

The reason I’m blogging about this today is because I know quite a few ENTP’s (and just Ne-doms and –auxies in general) who have this problem. And not all of them deal with it in a very healthy way. Many use drugs or alcohol to gain some focus and just numb down the spiral. And while I’m not against using drugs or alcohol per se, I don’t think it’s a good way to deal with your mind. So let’s talk about an alternative.

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On ENTPs and vulnerability

There was this one situation, several years back. I was hanging out with some friends I considered my best friends. By that time, we’ve known each other for I think 7 years or so and we started talking about our significant others and I said I would accept any S/O they had the way that person was, because they were my best friends and so their life partners were part of the deal as far as I was concerned. A stunned silence followed, after which one of my friends said: “uhm… I’ve never expected you to feel this way. You say we’re your best friends, but I feel like I don’t know anything about you.” To my surprise, my other friends felt exactly the same way. Now this was absolutely shocking to me, because I felt they knew a lot about me. I felt like I was opening up plenty of time. And so, turning it over in my mind, I came to the conclusion that the problem was with them. I put in so much effort, so if they still didn’t know me, that must mean they didn’t care.

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Why you are unhappy though you have it all

I think it was around July this year that I had to come to terms with the truth: I was unhappy.

It was a weird thing, and a cliche at the same time. I had everything: a steady boyfriend, a good job at a Big4 company, a beautiful home, plenty of friends and hobbies. Yet I couldn’t feel joy. Don’t get me wrong, on a rational level, I knew my life was perfect and I’d done a good job getting here, especially being just 27. But on a more emotional level… I felt numb. Disconnected. Unhappy.

Now I don’t think I’m being very original here. In fact, isn’t that what we do these days? Get everything we want, then decide we don’t want it? I’d read about it in books. Hell, “Eat, Pray, Love” ranked pretty high amongst my favorite books. So how did I fall into this trap? Why couldn’t my perfect life just be enough? Continue reading “Why you are unhappy though you have it all”

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What if we deserve good things?

I’m human (I have this confirmed by a very drunk guy in Stockholm, who looked at me and a friend I was hanging out with and spoke the deep wisdom: “You… you are people”). Which is why I guess it’s okay for me to have bad days. You know, those days where everything is the same as always, but suddenly you feel both like beating somebody up and crying all night long? Yesterday was one of those days, and as much as I hate to say it, there’s no rationalizing away those. Because sometimes, it’s matter over mind. And while you KNOW you have nothing to complain about, you still feel shitty. Continue reading “What if we deserve good things?”

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Why you might feel like a fraud

This is a topic very close to my heart. So close, in fact, that I considered not to write about it (or to be more specific: I did not consider writing about it), but then one of my best friends told me I should and since he’s usually right, you’re now reading this. Shifting the blame here, yep.

My story starts a while back. After getting my university degrees, I got a job in IT at a company crafting financial software. Though the company culture was a really good fit, I’ve always hated finance. And IT… well, I guess it was alright… but you know what I thought would be REALLY cool? Being able to combine IT with marketing and user experience. To each their own, I know, but for me, digital marketing was (and still is) the dream. And so, I learned more about marketing. I got certified in Google Adwords and Analytics. Took classes in branding and storytelling, SEO and content marketing, social media marketing and A/B testing and e-mail marketing. Went to conferences. Read books. Practiced, both at home and doing marketing for the company I worked for. And then, at some point, I decided to leave the company I was working for.

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