The Butterfly Effect or Why Your ENTP Hates Lying

Last week I was too busy writing other stuff, and I actually wanted to tell you all about it today, but a different topic came to mind and it’s so important I’ve decided to write about that one instead: ENTP’s ideas of trust and lying.

My personal trust pattern goes a bit like this: I meet someone, based on my intuition I either trust them or I don’t. If I trust them, they can mess up a lot, and I’ll still trust them in that I’ll welcome them into my life and will forgive their mistakes. However, if I catch them lying to my face without a clear reason even once, even with something small, my trust is gone. And yes, extreme as that sounds, this includes practical jokes.

Nobody likes liars, of course, but ENTPs have a problem with them on a whole new level. If you’re hanging out with an ENTP, even a small lie might break the trust between the two of you, no matter how close you are. That’s not because we’re super sensitive (and remarkably it’s also not because we value honesty over everything, it’s not like we never lie ourselves, and yes that makes us hypocrites). Quite the opposite, it’s a logical, though often subconscious, thing.

Continue reading “The Butterfly Effect or Why Your ENTP Hates Lying”

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Why you are unhappy though you have it all

I think it was around July this year that I had to come to terms with the truth: I was unhappy.

It was a weird thing, and a cliche at the same time. I had everything: a steady boyfriend, a good job at a Big4 company, a beautiful home, plenty of friends and hobbies. Yet I couldn’t feel joy. Don’t get me wrong, on a rational level, I knew my life was perfect and I’d done a good job getting here, especially being just 27. But on a more emotional level… I felt numb. Disconnected. Unhappy.

Now I don’t think I’m being very original here. In fact, isn’t that what we do these days? Get everything we want, then decide we don’t want it? I’d read about it in books. Hell, “Eat, Pray, Love” ranked pretty high amongst my favorite books. So how did I fall into this trap? Why couldn’t my perfect life just be enough? Continue reading “Why you are unhappy though you have it all”

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Two common misconceptions about feedback

After high school I studied Social Work for somewhat over a year and in that period I heard the word “feedback” more often than you can imagine. In fact, we had a whole class dedicated to giving eachother advice on how to improve ourselves (calling that ‘feedback’) and acting on it. Now myself, I was a strong-willed (read: stubborn) girl and I distinctly remember how during one of the first sessions I asked our professor:

“But what if I don’t agree with the feedback? Why do I *have* to act on it?”

I never got a satisfying answer, but soon enough I realized it was the only way to pass that class. And so I did, tweaking my personality week after week, until I became somewhat more friendly, a lot less me, and still nowhere near perfect. As I kept practicing this way of dealing with feedback over the years, feedback started feeling like one of those three-headed dragons: you chop one head off, and three new ones instantly emerge in its place.

What is feedback, really?

It took me years of self-annihilation before I finally understood what bothered me about the ‘Social Work’ approach to feedback. The problem is that our common use of the word, though infinitely handy for teachers and employers who try to shape us in a certain way, implies certain norms about the way we should handle feedback. Simply googling the word “feedback” returns the following definition from Miriam-Webster as result #2:

“Helpful information or criticism that is given to someone to say what can be done to improve a performance, product, etc.”

Sounds like our usual understanding of feedback, doesn’t it? Continue reading “Two common misconceptions about feedback”

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Why intuition matters

Ever heard people say logics and intuition don’t go well together? I have. In fact, I’ve got multiple intuitive friends who say “society places way too much emphasis on ratio”, as well as rational friends who argue “reasonable people should not rely on their intuition”. It is as if ratio and intuition are mutually exclusive. But they are not. In fact, they very much work together in helping us navigate through life. Unfortunately, there are lots of misunderstandings about both concepts, so let’s look at them in more detail.

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How to reduce anxiety and make better decisions?

Have you ever read ‘The Circle’ by Dave Eggers? I thought it was pretty shitty, honestly, but there is this one part that resonates with me:

“(…) what had always caused her anxiety, or stress, or worry, was not any one force, nothing independent and external- it wasn’t danger to herself or the constant calamity of other people and their problems. It was internal: it was subjective: it was not knowing.”

Throughout my life, moments that has caused me most anxiety were usually related to decision-making and not knowing what the better choice would be. Should I… get a divorce? … take this job? … buy this house? … get a degree in this subject? … stay friends with this person? I’m going to admit something here: I am absolutely terrified of making wrong decisions (sometimes I contemplate a menu for 10 minutes, wondering which dish will be best). As my decisions have more impact, the fear of making the wrong decision increases. Sounds familiar?

Continue reading “How to reduce anxiety and make better decisions?”

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